Life is short. It is so very short. I can’t shake that feeling at the moment.

I am 44 this year and yet surely it was only a few years ago that I turned 30. My girl has just turned 14 yet surely she was only just starting school. I actually don’t know where the time has gone – I still feel 16. It has gone so fast and something deep inside me is telling me that it won’t slow down.

Life is so precious. There is so much beauty in it. So many wonderful connections. So many amazing memories. But how much of that do I miss by being distracted by the things that don’t really matter.

In the last month of his life my Dad said to me that he had invested so much emotional energy in his work, he had spent so much time worrying and stressing, to build something, to provide and on many levels he was really successful at doing that but he said he regretted so much of it as it hadn’t been worth it to sacrifice the stuff that had really been important. That conversation has pushed me to make some big life decisions in the 8 years since he died and will probably continue to push me. 

I wonder whether I am hitting not a mid life not crisis but a mid life reflection point.

What do I want the rest of my days to look like? What do I want to invest my time in? What needs to go to ensure I don’t look back with regret? What needs to be picked up?

I have a pretty good idea of what needs to go and that may well take a bit of time and prayer to work that out. I have no idea of what it will all look like and that is exciting but absolutely terrifying at the same time. It brings with it a wrestle and those voices which say “You can’t do that?” “Choose the safe route because that is the comfortable route.” “ But what if it all goes wrong?”

What holds me back from making those choices? What holds you back?

Fear. Expectation. Uncertainty.  Confusion. Feeling overwhelmed. What other people will think. 

Someone said to me the other day that I was making choices that were providing external security but were robbing my internal security. That was hard to hear. Those words have got under my skin because I know it’s the truth but I like feeling externally secure. But is it worth the cost of the internal.

Does making sure the external is comfortable come at a cost to what has eternal value – connection, relationship, freedom, life in all abundance. 

Is feeding the external actually decreasing the internal? For me it definitely is, crippling anxiety has played such a big part of the last 6 months and I don’t want that to be the narrative of the rest of my days.

I have been telling myself that I don’t have a choice but I was gently encouraged this week that I do have a choice, I can make the changes.

Are there changes God is stirring you to make? 

Maybe it’s a job thing. Maybe it’s a place thing. Maybe its relationships. Maybe it’s a forgiveness thing. Maybe its community. Maybe its strongholds in us that we need to break. Maybe its thought patterns. Maybe it is picking up a passion.  Maybe its a health thing. For me it’s a mixtures of lots of those things! 

Be brave with me. Lets do it together. Holding His hand tightly. One step at a time. I am pretty sure most of the time that is how He works showing us one step at a time because the whole picture would be too overwhelming but in his gentleness he takes us at the speed he knows we can handle. 

I am not talking rash foolish changes but carefully prayed through, well processed changes. Intentional changes. 

Life is too short. Its so short.

Much of life we have no control over. But there are choices we can make. Good, life changing choices. Not easy choices but life giving choices. 

To invest in the things that really matter. The people that really matter. 

Life is too short to not fight for the things that matter, to make the changes.

And if those changes go wrong He still has us – I think the risk is still worth it. He will always make a way and none of it will be wasted. 

I don’t know what is ahead but I know the one who has gone ahead of me, and will go ahead of you. The one who never leaves or forsakes. The one who cannot be limited and who doesn’t want us to be limited. The one who works all things for the good of those who love Him. The one who came to give us life in abundance. 

Life is too short. I want the adventure He promises. I know we are not promised a life that is easy at all times, but we are promised life in all its fullness but we have a choice in that. And honestly right now I am not totally sure what those choices are or how to make them but I want to make them so one brave step a time. 

Life is so short. Lets not waste it!